Care Enough To Care
by A Girl Named Truth
Summary: Sometimes you had to be around people that don’t give toss about you to appreciate the ones who really cared. The ones that you care if they care. *ONESHOT*


It was nearly 2 in the morning. Vince was tired, he'd probably had one too many drinks earlier and their affect was starting to wear off, leaving him in one of those states of mind where nothing mattered to him anymore. Nobody had noticed him walking out of the club, a few girls by the door tried to catch his eye suggestively but he just kept on staring at the floor as he went out into the cold.

He walked across the road, trying to distance himself from the noise and the people inside. He used to love the crowds, the vast number of 'friends' he had and how much they 'loved' him. Now it just made him feel lonely. Made him realise that none of them were his real friends, none of them actually loved him. The closer he got to them the more distanced he'd feel. Some of the time it'd feel like the old days, if they'd all had enough to drink, but most of the time he didn't even know why he bothered in the first place.

The lights of cars blurred for a second and the world started to spin a little and anyone who wasn't as experienced as him in walking drunk in stacked heels would have been on the floor. He made it to the curb and sat down on the edge of it. For the middle of the night it was both too loud and too quiet. In front of him the club spilled out over confident men smooth talking tipsy, if not coked-up, giggling girls who if Vince was honest with himself looked unstable and underage.

It wasn't so long ago that he used to end an evening like that. More often in the role of the giggling girl than not. As long as he'd gotten what he wanted he didn't care that he was branded a whore, it was all a laugh. Now he looked on at the scene he saw with disgust. The sight of it, aided by the alcohol made him feel sick.

But down the street, either way, and the road that stretched out just behind him seemed deadly silent in comparison. He knew if he followed the silence that'd lead him home. He knew the way. He knew he'd stumble more than once and very well might end up spending some time in somebody's hedge but he knew that he had control enough to get himself home safely. But he didn't get up. Instead he took out his phone.

His next move was purely selfish and he knew it. He scrolled down his ludicrously long list of contacts until he got to the one he wanted. The only number he ever called anymore. He was shocked he didn't know the number off by heart by now.

It rung once. Twice. Three times…five…

He was about to give up when it was answered.

"Vince?" Just the familiar voice made him feel better, even if it did sound irritated and sleepy. Cue the pang of guilt Vince felt for waking him up.

"Alright?" Vince tried to make himself sound more upbeat than he felt, more drunk than he was. He knew it would piss Howard off that he was being called up as a babysitter but Vince knew it was the only way he could be sure he'd come.

"Yeah…so where's the fire?" He sounded tired, resigned to what he knew was coming but Vince blocked it out.

"I just wondered if you maybe fancied…a walk?"

"You mean do I want to come and get you and walk you home to make sure you don't end up falling in the middle of the road"

"Well…yeah" he heard Howard sigh and his heart broke slightly. What was he thinking, trying to drag Howard into the cold and dark? It was bad enough for him sitting there freezing cold and he'd come out willingly. He should be so selfish. He knew why he wanted Howard there. But Howard didn't. It wasn't fair on him. He shouldn't have called him.

"Actually, don't worry about it, don't worry about me, I'll be alright…go back to sleep. Sorry I woke you"

"No, it's alright, I'm up now. Anyway we can't have you sleeping in a hedge, can we?"

"Fine…if your sure"

"Where are you then?"

"On the curb"

"Well that narrows it down, there only one of them on what…every street."

Vince laughed, even when he was tired, cold, lonely and to put it bluntly sick of most of his life, Howard managed to shine a light through all that darkness. People were wrong when they called Vince the sunshine kid, all he did was distract people, he couldn't make their problems go away, not like Howard could with him.

"Mmm, the curb outside 'The Purple Turtle'. It's not far. I can probably manage on my own"

"I'll tell you what…because it's so freezing cold, I'll meet you on the end of the bridge and I'll get us both one of those mint aero hot chocolates that you like?"

Vince nodded, smiling brightly at the thought. He loved those. He once tried to recreate one at home with a bar of Aero, a pint of milk and a blender. It didn't work. Howard tried his best to explain that it wasn't made that way and like his usual superior self showed him how it was done. That really didn't work.

"Vince?"

"Hmmm?"

"Good plan?"

"Oh right, yeah! I did nod you know…oh wait you can't see…never mind"

"Right then, end of the bridge, ten minutes. Try not to fall in the river."

"I will…I mean I'll try not too"

"10 minutes then"

"M'kay"

Vince got up and started walking smile firmly fixed on his lips. That was why he'd called Howard. For the warmth it filled him with. For the fact he cared. He cared even though he though Vince was still the party animal that he always had been. He cared even though he'd been asked to come and get him every other night for the last three weeks. He cared because he was a real friend and he actually did love Vince. And Vince in his way loved Howard. He just didn't know how to show it. Not in a way he wouldn't get laughed at. So this was how he showed it, by pretending to be too drunk to walk home on his own down the few streets to the flat and calling Howard up in the dead of night to be the one to walk him home. Twisted as that seemed, that was one of the only ways nowadays that he could still be sure that Howard still cared.

It was strange the effect knowing he was on his was to Howard had on him. Before he'd been sat, depressed and lonely on a curb, his world a blank shade of grey. Now it was shimmering, all colours of the rainbow. If only Howard knew how much he meant to him. He was the only one who would never abandon him, wouldn't care what he did. He was the only one who would look at him in endearment if he walked around in his Bowie pyjamas at three in the afternoon. Vince knew Howard was the best friend he could ever have. He just didn't know how to make sure he knew that.

Vince got to the bridge a few minutes early even though he'd twisted his ankle on the way because he wasn't concentrating on where he was walking. As soon as he stopped walking the cold set back in. He didn't know what he'd been thinking when he'd left the flat without so much as a cape. He probably hadn't been thinking at all. Same routine, go out, meet 'friends', get pissed and see which one of the many girls and guys he could ensnare, bonus points if they were normally into women. It was always the same, it used to be a thrill but now it was just predicable, boring even.

Howard was late. Howard was never late. He could barely stand Vince being late. His first thought was something had happened. Maybe he'd got mugged. Or worse. Vince's heartbeat started to quicken. If he had been, it would have been his fault. He had dragged him out. He'd been selfish. He'd been a bad friend. Then amongst all these horrible thoughts sprung up one that cut him, stung him because it was more likely.

_What if he was late because he'd never left the house? What if he'd given up trying to be his friend? What if he'd gotten sick of being subjected to the freezing cold winter nights recently? But then why would he arrange this? Unless that's his form of payback, making you stand in the cold, waiting for him._

Once these thoughts got going there was no stopping them, they kept building up more and more probable reasons for Howard to have stopped caring. All the mocking, all the showing off. All the partying. Tears formed in his eyes as he realised he couldn't remember the last time him and Howard had gone out, excluding nights like these. He couldn't remember the last time they'd gone for a drink or to the cinema. He couldn't even remember the last time they'd just stayed in and watched a dvd together. No wonder he's given up, if Vince had been in his shoes he would have done so long ago.

Vince took out his phone to check the time but his vision was still blurry from the tears that were burning his freezing face. He wiped his eyes and looked again, vision clear this time.

_15 Missed Calls  
2 New Messages_

Shit, this is what happens when you put your phone on silent. He clicked the missed calls first. All from Howard.

Then he checked the first of the texts. It was from Leroy, what a surprise.

_"Saw u leave da club ur getting old mate"_

Vince laughed and deleted it, he was a good year and a half younger than Leroy and knew he could drink him under the table. Let them believe what they want, he didn't care anymore.

He clicked the second expecting the same kind of thing from another one of the more observant members of the group but it was from Howard. Oh god, did he really want to read this, have his theory confirmed, probably painfully. He clicked read.

_"The other end of the bridge, you blackberry pancake"_

Vince looked up and strained his eyes to make out the people on the far side of the bridge. Sure enough he could make out a brown jacket and hair that looked like it needed introducing to a comb. His heart soared slightly and before his brain cell could ask him 'what the fuck did he think he was doing', Vince had taken off running as well as he could on slightly icy ground in high heels. He almost made in to where Howard was sat before he ran out of luck, skidded and fell on his arse. If he'd wanted to make an entrance, he sure as hell had managed it.

"Enjoy your trip?" Vince could tell Howard was trying to hold back a smile.

Vince didn't even try to think of a comeback, instead he got to his feet and flung himself onto Howard, hugging him as best a standing man could hug a sitting one without ending up in their lap. He still managed to earn them a few raised eyebrows.

"Love you Howard!" was all he could manage to say.

"Well, someone's certainly had too much to drink, sir" Howard peeled Vince off him and pushed him gently in the direction of the other chair.

"I thought you weren't coming, I waited and waited and waited. Well for ten minutes but I thought…hold on how did you know I was at the other end?" Vince's brain cell had finally regained some form of control over him.

"How many blokes do you see in a bright blue glittery dress…" Vince glared at Howard making him back pedal a bit. "I mean, tunic-y thing and silver boots."

"You'd be surprised! Why didn't you come and get me then? I was going out of my mind. I thought…" Vince trailed off, embarrassed by what he'd though.

"What?"

"I thought you'd given up wanting to be my friend and it…I dunno, it just really hurt to think about it"

"It hurts you to think about most things Vince, it's called disuse." Howard was trying his best to make him smile but all the thoughts that had been attacking him earlier started flooding back. "I'll get us our drinks yeah? That'll make you feel better."

Vince sat down on a silver chair and pulled his legs up so that he could hug his knees. Even though Howard had only been at the other end of the bridge, for about five minutes he'd thought he'd lost him completely. Just the memory made another tear slide down his cheek but he didn't feel it.

"There you go…Vince? What wrong?" Howard noticed for the first time the way his eyeliner had made faint lines down his face, he noticed his eyes were redder than "just the cold" and there was no way he could fail to see the fresh batch of tears that were giving his eyes a glassy look. Vince looked down at the steaming mug. Trying to push all thoughts and emotions back. He'd never been so affected by something so strongly before, he didn't quite know how to deal with it.

"It's nothing I'm just being stupid as usual." Vince took a sip of the boiling hot chocolate mixture, wincing as it burned down his throat but didn't fill the cold feeling he had.

"Hey, if its what I said you know I didn't mean it"

"No, it's not that" Vince shook his head, blew on the hot drink and began to drink it.

"Then what is it?"

Vince looked up at Howard from over the rim of his mug then closed his eyes. The look of Howard's face, a look of worry, of concern and most importantly a look of care. A look that told him he wouldn't have to fear being left.

"It doesn't matter now" Vince said when swallowed his drink.

"It matters to me?"

"Alright, alright but it's gonna make me sound all paranoid and a right sap. Basically, when I thought you weren't coming and I thought you didn't care any…anymore and if you stopped caring then I'd have nobody left because you're the only one that cares" Tears threatened to start up again and Howard motioned for him to stand up.

"What?"

"Come here, you grapefruit"

Vince got up, and started towards Howard before stopping to put his drink down. As soon as Vince got close enough Howard took his arm and guided him so that he was sat on his lap, Vince just stared at him in shock.

"What you doing? People will see and you hate people looking at you and this is gonna make people look"

"Look, it's 2o'clock, their either too drunk or too tired to notice. Anyways it doesn't matter at the moment, just stop wriggling, you're heavier than you look you know"

"Sorry…"

"Right then, Vince Noir, No matter how much you worry I'm always gonna care, I'm never going to leave you. I know you have all your little popular friends and your cool hair" Howard reached up to stroke it and for once Vince didn't bat his hand away like he would have done anyone else. "But to me your still my naïve, oversensitive little man and you always will be no matter how much you try to pretend your not."

"Do you really mean that Howard?"

"Nope, I'm practising my speech for Vince Noir, Rock N Roll Star: This Is Your Life…course I mean it, you twit"

Vince let himself snuggle into Howard, who for his part didn't complain about his bony arse or the glitter he was being coated in. For the first time in a long while Vince felt safe, warm, cared for. He closed his eyes and let his thought drift. He didn't know what made him do it but before he sat up he placed a gentle kiss on the part of Howard's neck that was nearest to him. Nobody could have seen it and the only sign Howard gave that he felt it was hugging him a little tighter. Vince collected together his willpower and sat up properly to get his half empty cup. He wrinkled his nose as the cold liquid hit his tongue.

"S'cold" Vince pouted and put the cup down.

"I'm not getting you another, it's nearly three in the morning, we'll never get home at this rate"

"Alright alright just five more minutes" Vince leant back into Howard as he rolled his eyes.

"Fine but first…you've gotta learn how to drink from a cup Mr Mint Moustache" Howard lifted up Vince's chin and ran a few fingers over his lip. Vince closed his eyes again and decided to take this as a good sign. He waited a few seconds for Howard to move his hand and leant up to kiss him. He worried that he was gonna be pushed off, but if anything Howard held onto him tighter. For once he felt that he'd shown Howard how much he loved him. If he'd know it would have been that easy he would have done it years ago. He would have never got involved with those fake friends he had. But then he wouldn't have got to where he was now. He figured sometimes you had to be around people that don't give toss about you to appreciate the ones who really cared. The ones that you care if they care. He didn't quite understand how Howard still managed to love him after everything he'd done, but he was more than glad that he did.

"Do you think anyone would notice if I stopped going to all these parties?"

"Course they would, they love you"

"They don't"

"They do…just not like me. It doesn't matter what they think, it's your life, live it for you"

"Hmm that sounds like a plan" Vince imagined sitting on the sofa watching Glam Rock UK and sharing a tub of ice cream with Howard. He pictured picnics, pub nights and being dragged along to jazz concerts. He reckoned he'd be happy doing anything with Howard. Even sitting outside a café in the freezing cold early hours of the morning.


End file.
